Opinion | Why the dispute over the bill is a Chinese tradition worth fighting for

At a recent family gathering, dinner ended in another heated argument. At the end of the meal and away from the gathering, my aunt insisted on paying while my sister and I insisted that it should be our treat. This was our father's 77th birthday, not to mention a rare occasion that brought together family members from two coasts.

It went back and forth as my aunt put money in my pocket and I fished it out and chased after her. “I rarely see your father and it's an honor to celebrate his birthday,” she said finally, crossing her arms. Given that she is a generation above us, the case was closed.

Payment battles most often occurred during celebrations of major holidays, birthdays and anniversaries where several generations came together. Arguments sometimes broke out in front of the congregation about who would pay and who should pay, and even when these issues appeared to be resolved, the meal ended in a dramatic argument in which one elder ended up footing the bill.

As my father, aunts, uncles, and various other elders explained to me, this fight over the law is part of being Chinese.

This isn't as obvious to those standing on the sidelines as they are often wide-eyed and confused as to what is happening. “Is everything OK?” a good friend – American and Caucasian – who had accompanied me to such a meal once asked worriedly. The voices rose in what sounded like an all-out battle. Everything was fine, I assured him.