A definitive but dubious guide to LA for Yankees fans

You're a Yankees fan traveling to Los Angeles for the first time. Of course you have questions.

After all, you've come west from an old, dense, smelly, shrinking, and corruption-plagued city, while here we wait in a young, sprawling city that's, well, also smelly, shrinking, and corruption-plagued.

But we have In-N-Out. And on those winter days when you're about to freeze like an ice sculpture on the sidewalk, we stand around in yoga pants and board shorts and pretend we've just surfed.

You support a young team (founded in 1901) whose home is a newfangled baseball stadium (opened in 2009). We cheer on a more venerable institution (the Brooklyn Trolley Dodgers' first season: 1884) and cavort in a stadium from 1962.

You gave the world a shout out to George Steinbrenner, Billy Joel and the Bronx. We gave the world Vin Scully, Randy Newman and the High Five.

Maybe they have tastier pizza and bagels – although at least one New York food critic says the best bagels are in Berkeley. We have everything else that's even tastier, including Dodger Dogs.

Read more: A New York City Travel Guide for LA People (Dodgers Version)

Anyway, you're here now. When you arrive, prepare for the delightful ease of LAX, the pristine beauty of Century Boulevard, and the high-speed convenience of the 405. Next, you may be wondering: Will there be enough parking at Griffith Observatory? Is it an easy walk from North Hollywood to West Hollywood? Is the sea under Santa Monica Pier clean?

Yes, yes, yes, of course. And for a good icebreaker in any conversation with a Dodgers fan, just say something nice about Manny Machado.

Just kidding. We wouldn't mislead you. Here are some better tips for getting around the city.

Maybe you're afraid to drive here. We are too. But wait until you see our subway. What do you fear more now?

Would you like a pleasant surprise? Take Crystal Springs Drive to Wilson & Harding Golf Courses in Griffith Park and look for the plaque near the clubhouse. Here, the plaque says, Babe Ruth was enjoying an off-season in January 1920 when he learned he had been traded from the Red Sox to the Yankees, subject to his approval. The bearer of this news was Yankees manager Miller Huggins, who gained Ruth's approval by offering a massive raise. So basically the greatest moment in Yankees history happened on a golf course in LA, 38 years before LA had a major league team.

You may need additional landmarks to make your orientation easier.

The brick building at 757 S. New Hampshire Ave. in Koreatown? The “Seinfeld” apartment building.

The coffee house on the Warner Bros. studio lot in Burbank? The Central Perk interior from “Friends.”

The grim crime scenes in all those “Law & Order” episodes? – Oh, they’re in New York again.

However, if you crave the glitz and atmosphere of a big city, the sights, sounds and smells of Hollywood Boulevard await. If you miss the sleek, silver lines of the Chrysler Building, take a stroll through Disney Hall. If you miss the skaters at Rockefeller Center, check out the ones on the boards at Venice Skatepark.

Read more:9 Little-Known Ways to See the Hollywood Sign

Do you want to start a fight? Ask where the border between the east and west sides is.

Finally, of course, head to the baseball stadium, a mid-century marvel surrounded by palm trees that brings back greenery and bittersweet memories of Fernando Valenzuela. If you see an unauthorized seller, do not attempt to purchase pretzels. They give you an Ohtani t-shirt and charge $700.

I have to admit, we're nervous about what Aaron Judge might do to our bullpen. After all, the last time he was here he broke down the door.

Speaking of bullpens, once the game starts, don't blink an eye or you'll discover another new Dodger on the mound. In their special form of invincibility, the Dodgers go through more pitchers on a Saturday night than McSorley's Old Ale House.

You know you're nervous about Shohei Otani's thugs. But don't overlook Chaz Perea's green thumb (he's the landscape manager behind all the greenery) or Dieter Rühle's organ. With his quick wit and keyboard prowess, Ruehle has won six championships against the Dodgers, Lakers and Kings. But don't worry. You still have Billy Joel.

Finally, if you're wondering what's actually in a Dodger dog, there's a local saying that covers it: Forget it.

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This story originally appeared in the Los Angeles Times.