Moving on January 1st. The viral “October Theory” explains why fall is the best time for new beginnings.

Hedberg's comedy was based on short, memorable one-liners full of absurdity. He died of a drug overdose in 2005. Often considered one of the greatest stand-up comedians of all time, George Carlin was a voice of the counterculture in the '60s and '70s. His comedy later evolved into a nihilistic critique of American life that is still relevant to many today.

“It's called 'the American dream' because you have to sleep to believe it,” Carlin said.

Here are 21 of the funniest and most poignant quotes from a comedian that were shared on the AskReddit forum.

1.

Jabazaba wrote:

“Every time you unclog a toilet, you have exceeded other people’s expectations.” – Unknown

2.

ShofarD**kSwordFight wrote:

“Everyone thinks he’s a comedian. Especially in my job.” — Norm Macdonald

This is from Macdonald's memoir, Based on a True Story, a must-read for Norm fans. What I like best about this line is that it was kind of thrown away, almost an afterthought, as it expressed disdain for a doctor who told a joke and got a big laugh from everyone else in the room.

And that doctor joke? It was Macdonald's own moth story.

3.

NotoriousREV wrote:

“I'm not an adventurous person. I’ve only ever used one side of a cheese grater.” –James Acaster

4.

TheZMage wrote:

“I started cooking with wine. That sounds so fancy, cooking with wine. I get drunk and make rice. I tell my friends, ‘Come over, I’m cooking with wine.’ They come over, I’m drunk and there’s rice everywhere.” —Kevin Nealon

5.

Biggoofydoofus wrote:

“What is it like to have four children? Imagine drowning and then someone gives you a baby.” – Jim Gaffigan

6.

Mysterious-Judge-333 wrote:

“I find that a duck’s opinion of me depends largely on whether I have bread or not.” —Mitch Hedberg

7.

SalveBrutus wrote:

“Cocaine is God’s way of saying you make too much money.” –Robin Williams

8.

NecroeJoe wrote:

“I don’t like country music, but I don’t want to disparage those who like country music. And for the people who like country music, “denigrate” means “belittle.” –Bob Newhart

9.

KingNewbie wrote:

“People say someone has lost their battle with cancer. But when someone dies of cancer, the cancer dies too. I would call it a draw.” — Norm MacDonald

10.

ElvishMystical wrote:

“You can fool some people all the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.” –Spike Milligan

11.

Active Oppressor wrote:

“If you’re on fire and running down the street, people are going to get out of your way.” –Richard Pryor

12.

Buttflakes27 wrote:

“I was walking down the street the other day and these construction workers were working on hammering the roof. One of them told me in Morse code that I was a paranoid lunatic.” – Emo Phillips

13.

ZorroMeansFox wrote:

“Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. It’s too dark inside a dog to read.” — Groucho Marx

14.

Mikethereddit wrote:

“I didn’t want to be drunk in public. I wanted to get drunk in a bar. They threw me out in public.” –Ron White

15.

Heckhammer wrote:

“I know I’m getting older, my last birthday cake looked like a prairie fire!” —Rodney Dangerfield

16.

OneFingerIn wrote:

“Think about how stupid the average person is, and realize that half of them are even stupider.” –George Carlin

17.

SoftwareAlert7192 wrote:

“When you have a career, there is not enough time in the world… when you have a job, there is too much time.” –Chris Rock

18.

Megsy73_Idgaf

“She had so much plastic surgery that when she crossed her legs her mouth gaped.” —Joan Rivers

19.

NotaDogIswear wrote:

“Nationalism only teaches you to hate people you have never met and to be proud of achievements in which you had no part.” –Doug Stanhope

20.

Freedomdeliverus wrote:

“The world is like an amusement park ride, and when you choose to go on it, you think it's real because that's how strong our minds are. The ride goes up and down, over and over again, it brings thrills and chills and…” It’s very colorful and very loud and it’s fun for a while.

A lot of people have been on the ride for a long time and they're starting to wonder, “Hey, is this real or is this just a ride?” And other people have remembered that and come back to us and say, “Hey, do it.” don't worry; Don't be afraid because this is just a ride.'

And we…kill these people.

“Shut your mouth! I've invested a lot in this ride, shut up! Look at my worry lines, look at my big bank account and my family. This must be real.'

It's just a ride. But we always kill the good guys who try to tell us that, have you ever noticed that? And let the demons run amok… But that doesn't matter because it's just a ride.

And we can change it at any time. It's just a choice. No hassle, no work, no job, no money saved. Right now it's just a simple choice between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy weapons, and lock yourself up. Instead, the eyes of love see us all as one.

Here's what we can do to make the world a better ride right now. Take all the money we spend every year on weapons and defense and spend it instead on feeding, clothing and educating the world's poor, which would pay for many times that, not including a single person, and we could explore space together. both within and without, forever, in peace. – Bill Hicks

This article originally appeared on 3/4/23