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Dear Abby: We don't want young children around older relatives to be arrested for distributing child pornography

DEAR ABBY: Many months ago, the husband of a family member was charged with possessing and distributing more than 10,000 items of child pornography. Police and the Department of Homeland Security searched her home and confiscated computers, cellphones and other devices. He was arrested and spent about a week in jail. He hired a very good lawyer and all charges were dismissed.
His wife, our blood relative, stayed by his side. She remains married to him and has no plans to leave him. She keeps us updated on legal developments and says his lawyers believe he won't serve any prison time because “he's in his mid-70s and has never been convicted of a crime.”
Although the charges were dismissed, we are uncomfortable having him in our home because there are small children present at our gatherings. It is important to note that his wife never denied that he saw and distributed these materials. She just said, “You’re portraying him as a monster.”

How can we continue to support her while letting her know when the time comes that he is NOT welcome? This chain of events was devastating for our entire family. – Devastated in the East

DEAR DEVASTATED: Your concern is understandable, but I have to ask if you have all your facts straight. On the one hand, you declare that all charges against this man have been dismissed. On the other hand, you say that his lawyer thinks he won't serve any prison time because of his age, which makes me wonder if some sort of agreement has been reached and all he has to do is community service.
You may want to provide emotional support to this family member, but if the parents of minor children feel that their husband may be a danger to them, those children need to be protected. And if that means not exposing her to the couple, then so be it.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and created by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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